Grandparents

When a child dies, grandparents are deeply affected by both the death of their grandchild and the deep distress of their son or daughter. 

Many grandparents look after their grandchildren and this child’s death may mean a huge change in their daily life. Their grief is often overlooked.

No one can anticipate how you will feel or react after the death of a loved one, especially a child. Each person grieves differently no-one can prepare you for how you will feel. 

Grief and pain is normal and expected, You will experience different reactions and changes in emotions, behaviours, spirituality and physically.

Emotional reactions

You may feel:

  •  unable to feel anything
  • teary or not able to cry at all
  • irritable, moody or angry 
  • isolated, lost or very alone 
  • frustrated,  powerless
  • experience a sense of hopelessness 
  • angry about what has happened

Physical reactions

You may experience:

  •  heart palpitations, breathing difficulties
  • dry mouth,
  • over sensitivity to noise
  • stomach upset, nausea
  • faintness or dizziness
  • muscular weakness and aches and pains, tremors in your hands and lips
  • extreme fatigue
  • sleep and appetite changes
  • be easily startled
  • heavy feeling in your heart or lump in your throat

Behavioural reactions

 You may:

  • unable to focus or concentrate
  • forgetful 
  • withdraw socially
  • become hyperactive
  • have flashbacks

Spiritual reactions

You may:

  • question or strengthen your faith
  • question your values, priorities and beliefs
  • feel you have lost purpose or meaning in your life

Looking after yourself

When you are grieving it is important to look after yourself. Here are some things that might help:

  • Get as much rest as possible and try to get into good sleeping patterns 
  • Gentle exercise helps; try to get into the fresh air and take a short stroll each day
  • Slow down and give yourself permission to let go of some of your responsibilities
  • Try to eat small nutritious meals, even if you have little appetite
  • Accept help from others 
  • Talk about your grandchild and keep them a part of your family
  • Create a memory book or box for all those special belongings or photos you may have
  • Keep a journal or a diary
  • Treat yourself or do something you may enjoy or that keeps you busy
  • Give yourself permission to grieve and be happy sometimes too
  • It can help to prepare ahead for some questions people may ask
  • Give yourself time to talk about your feelings 
  • Be gentle on yourself

When to seek help

There is no right way or time to grieve. Many find additional support and counselling helpful at this time. 

If you are concerned about yourself or someone you care for,  it’s best to contact a health professional and discuss your concerns.

Bear Cottage bereavement support 

Bereavement support is an essential part of the Bear Cottage service. Call us on (02) 9976 8300 or (02) 9976 8336 at any time. 

We run programs for the whole family, including grandparents. It's a chance to take time out, relax and connect with others who are experiencing the same thing. 

See our support chapter for more information and resources. 

“The thing about meeting and talking with other grandparents is that you have someone to talk to who is going through or has gone through what you are and understands your pain and feelings. Talking won’t fix your pain but it helps.” Bear Cottage Grandparent