Types of reactions

Most families struggle to believe that their child has died. You may not know what you need or what might help. 

It is really important to get rest, eat well and get some exercise, even if you do not feel like it. 

Grief is not a mental illness even though you may feel you have “gone mad”. 

While very painful, grief is a normal expected process that can include a  range of reactions and changes in our emotions, behaviours, spirituality and bodies.

Emotional reactions

You may feel:

  • numb and disconnected from your environment and those around you 
  • very teary or not able to cry at all
  • irritable, moody or angry
  • alone, lost or isolated
  • frustrated, feeling powerlessness or hopelessness
  • angry about what has happened 
  • anxious or fearful of harm coming to yourself and others you love
  • regret or guilt and wish you could have done things differently
  • despair as you consider the reality of your child’s death

Physical reactions

You may experience:

  • heart palpitations, breathing difficulties, dry mouth, over sensitivity to noise, stomach upsets and nausea, faintness and dizziness, muscular weakness and aches and pains, tremors in the your hands and lips, extreme fatigue
  • changes to your sleep pattern resulting in you feeling exhausted
  • appetite changes
  • agitation and restlessness and lack of co-ordination
  • being easily startled 
  • heavy feeling in your heart or lump in your throat
  • find you are now more susceptible to minor illnesses

Behavioural reactions

You may:

  • unable to focus or concentrate
  • be forgetful and/or disoriented
  • withdraw socially
  • find yourself thinking more slowly and less able to make decisions
  • become hyperactive
  • lose interest in the usual pleasurable things
  • have decreased or increased interest in intimacy, physical closeness and sex
  • avoid reminders or become preoccupied with remembering
  • have night waking and recurrent dreams or flashbacks
  • find your intake of alcohol/drugs may change

Spiritual reactions

You may:

  • question or strengthen your faith
  • question your values, priorities and beliefs
  • feel you have lost purpose and meaning in your life

“Bear Cottage has made the worst part of our lives bearable, memorable and for moments here and there, enjoyable. You have each given us strength and we have needed all you have given. This now becomes the thing that defines us, the loss of a child, but you have made it the best it could be.”